Last year, on this date, several of us Latter-Day Saints (a.k.a. Mormons) shared our testimonies in honor of President Uchtdorf's 70th birthday.
That was a very difficult thing for me to do. (And I didn't share it with ALL of my FB connections.) I figured it was just because by this time last year, I'd only been active in the church again for about 2 months.
I've come an extremely long way since then. I am not the person I was 1 year ago. I've grown so much spiritually. I made much greater progress in a much faster time frame than I ever thought possible. I still don't recognize the two people (who I was then and who I am now) as being related to each other in any way.
I am doing the things we've been counseled to do by our church leaders better than I ever did before. I am so active now in so many aspects of the Gospel. (And more of them at the same time than ever before.)
I could not have come to the place and person I am now without the great support of a wonderful ward (congregation) family. I also could not have come this far if I did not have faith to just do things I felt my Heavenly Father wanted me to do, even if I didn't feel ready to do so. (I'm not even adding any filter/restrictions/privacy settings to this note.)
I've grown and changed so much - except in one thing. Bearing my testimony is still very difficult. Actually, in the regards of bearing a testimony I seemed to have fallen several steps back. Right now I don't even feel like I can bear my testimony. I have one; I know I do. It is there as sure as I am writing this note, but it's locked or blocked or both. I've been struggling now for nearly 5 months to set this testimony free without success.
I am frustrated. I do not understand. How can I have made all the huge changes in my life and made the great growth that I have but it now be nigh unto impossible for me to bear my testimony. There have been a few times I've wanted to do it in the last few months, but nothing happened.
I do not know what to do about that. I wish there was some magic potion to fix this. I've prayed about it. I've fasted about it. I've tried to find advice in the scriptures and in the words of our leaders about it, but have not been able to unlock it - let alone figure out why it's locked up.
And now it is President Uchtdorf's 71st birthday. If he knew about my attempt last year, I would feel that I had let him down this year.
I definitely feel I've let myself down and I don't know how to pick this part of my life back up.
I do still want to say "Happy birthday President Uchtdorf!"
I hope and pray that by his 72nd birthday, I've found the answer and set my testimony free.
Note 2: Shortly after I posted the note, a good friend I've had since 8th grade posted the following on my wall (I don't believe any further explanation is needed on this one):